puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
