there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
