Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A+ Viking dick
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
