A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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