I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
