I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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