It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
