wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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