Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
