I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
