If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
40s are totally the cure
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize