Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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