just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
