ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
