Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
