Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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