so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
