my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
