They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
