girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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