I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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