Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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