She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
