this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize