i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
