Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
