Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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