i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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