haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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