he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize