i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize