I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
