Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
