I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
