he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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