is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
