On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize