just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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