Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize