You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
