there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
