I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
