It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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