They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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