shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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