i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
