He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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