You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
