That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
