dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize