She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize