Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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