I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
