1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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