she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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