I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Randomize
