1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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