i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The air taste purple.
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