party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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