I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
