If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
