we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
