She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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