Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
