Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And then he peed in my hair
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